Learning about a history of substance abuse can put a damper on the first date. However, dating someone in recovery can work out surprisingly well.

A little understanding goes a long way, so don’t rule out a relationship just yet. Here are some guidelines.

Be Open-minded

If you don’t know anything about addiction, take time to educate yourself^[1]. This disease has nothing to do with a lack of willpower or moral failure, and the fact that your love interest sought help speaks volumes.

People in recovery have a significant advantage over some of those other fish in the sea: They’ve worked on their issues, they know they have issues, and they’ll continue to work on their issues.

Recovering substance abusers are learning to be brutally honest. They’re tackling the root causes of addiction, which may include low self-esteem, heartbreak, or sexual abuse. They’re trying to process negative emotions in healthy ways. They’re learning to respect themselves and others. Most are getting fit and eating right.

In short, they keep getting better.

Ask Questions But Think About Them First

To avoid striking a tone of interrogation, respectfully admit that you have some questions^[2]. He may tell you to fire away. She may ask for more time before going into details.

How long has your love interest been sober? Most experts recommend at least a year of sobriety before starting a serious relationship^[3]. People in recovery have serious work to do, and rushing things is a trigger for relapse.

Is your date actively involved in recovery groups and counseling? If you’re willing, ask how you can be of support.

As in any new romance, not everyone is comfortable talking about personal issues right away. However, someone who refuses to open up over time may not be ready for a relationship. Honesty is critical in battling addiction.

Ask Yourself If You Can Handle the Baggage

While everyone has baggage, addiction can throw life into chaos. Your date might be grappling with financial disarray, a damaged reputation, or legal problems. Family relationships may be strained. A bitter custody battle may be dragging on.

Know thyself, first and foremost. If you feel like you’re in over your head, there’s no shame in saying so.

Resist the Temptation to Coddle

Romance can easily cross over into codependency^[4] if a well-intentioned partner assumes the role of caretaker. That’s the last thing someone in recovery needs.

You may be on dangerous ground if caretaking becomes compulsive, if you feel responsible for your partner’s success or failure, or if you tend to rescue rather than lend support. Putting your own needs on the back burner is another red flag.

Codependency isn’t good for anybody. For the recovering substance abuser, it shifts accountability to the partner. Accountability is crucial in recovery. For the partner, it’s draining, isolating, and emotionally destabilizing.

Guard against codependency by seeing your friends, engaging in hobbies, and setting aside time for self-care.

You can undoubtedly cuddle, but don’t coddle.

Prepare for the Likelihood of Relapse

Relapse, unfortunately, is the nature of the beast. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, relapse rates are between 40 and 60%^[5].

Ask your date about personal triggers to substance abuse. Triggers might be certain emotions, social settings, or even people. You can’t be expected to babysit, but you can be sensitive to environments that aren’t safe for your date. Are you willing to leave a fun party early or skip the wine at dinner if your partner seems anxious? Recovery must come first.

Is relapse a reason to end the romance? It all depends on how your partner responds to it.

People who are serious about recovery remain positive and bounce back stronger than ever. A flippant attitude, denial, deception, or self-pity, on the other hand, should give you pause.

Seek Help While Dating Someone in Recovery

Dating someone in recovery can be an eye-opener. If you suspect that you may have a problem of your own, we can help.

Every day, professional rehab equips people to reclaim their lives. Experienced, compassionate caregivers love setting people on the path to recovery.

If you or someone you love needs help, don’t wait another day to call.

Sources:

[1] https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/drugfacts/understanding-drug-use-addiction

[2] https://sobernation.com/7-things-you-should-know-about-dating-an-addict-in-recovery/

[4] https://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/co-dependency

[5] https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/drugs-brains-behavior-science-addiction/treatment-recovery

About the author:

ocean hills

Frequently Asked Questions

How long does drug and alcohol rehab last?

The length of your stay at drug and alcohol rehab will vary for each person attending rehab and from treatment center to treatment center. Most inpatient programs are at least 30 days long; however, some programs may incorporate a shorter inpatient stay with a more extended outpatient stay. The best rehab centers will provide a more custom treatment plan for each person that takes into account the individual’s needs before determining the length of treatment. Ocean Hills Recovery offers a variety of options for addiction treatment. A typical stay at our inpatient drug and alcohol rehab programs last between 30 to 45 days.

Do I need inpatient or outpatient treatment?

Outpatient is an excellent option for people who are unable to take time away from work or their families while receiving addiction treatment. Inpatient treatment is an excellent option for people who can be away from their work or families for at least several weeks for treatment. We recommend that you contact a reliable treatment center, like Ocean Hills Recovery, for a complete assessment before you decide whether inpatient or outpatient treatment for addiction is best for you.

Should I get addiction treatment locally or away?

The answer to whether you should go away or stay local for addiction treatment is very individual. Many people need to get away from their everyday life for them to fully submerge themselves in their addiction recovery process. For these individuals, going to an out of state treatment center is the best option to be able to commit fully and concentrate on their recovery. For others, this is not an option because of work or family obligations.

What do I do if I don’t have insurance for drug rehab?

There are options for drug rehab, even if you don’t have insurance. When you decide to get help, the best thing to do is to find a treatment philosophy that you believe may help and contact them for assistance. Rehab professionals can help you determine if you have insurance coverage for addiction treatment, and what options are best for you. Many drug rehabs accept insurance but also have private pay, or financing options available. Contact our rehab admissions specialist today, and we can help you navigate insurance questions, payment options, and treatment plans.

How to find a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center?

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website is a great place to start when you are looking for a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center. We recommend that you make a list of a few different centers to contact and speak with them to get a feel for their programs, therapies, and staff and find the center that you feel most comfortable with. Have a list of questions that you can ask each center to help you through the process. One of the most important questions to ask is if the rehab holds accreditation by CARF. Having a state license is no longer enough to ensure that a rehab center is reputable. If the rehab holds CARF accreditation, they have had to meet a more strict set of guidelines and procedures.

Do I need detox before addiction treatment?

Many people require detox to help manage withdrawal from alcohol and other drugs. There are several factors that we take into consideration to determine if you will need detox before addiction treatment. Our admissions professionals work with each person to obtain a thorough history of substance use and other medical conditions to help make the appropriate recommendations for care. You must give accurate information so that we can keep you as comfortable as possible if you are experiencing withdrawal symptoms. However, detox is only the first step in addiction recovery. For long-lasting addiction recovery, a person must deal with the underlying issues that lead to substance use in the first place. Contact us today for a confidential assessment.